Now What?

A new era has begun. My third and final child began school last week, and suddenly I am alone in the house, wondering what to do now. Yes, I know, I have been waiting for this moment for ages , and have had grand plans for my career as an illustrator, as well as the million and one other jobs to be done, that have had to be put off until I have enough time, but now the moment is here, and I simply feel slightly lost and adrift! My inspiration seems to have disappeared, and I feel rather overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a good wife and mother. There were so many things that I felt I should do over the last 10 years (keep the house spotless, cook healthy nutritious meals on a shoestring budget, pay the bills on time, brush my hair occasionally), but never actually managed to do at all, as I was too busy juggling kids, painting, and a growing menagerie. I always told myself that it would all change when the children went to school, and I had visions of myself ( or maybe they were actually my family's fantasies of me) as a organised and efficient superwoman, a Yummy Mummy straight from the pages of a womans magazine. Who am I kidding? Suddenly the moment is here, and I find that is not who I want to be at all. The prospect of dusting and cleaning makes me depressed - I like my piles of clutter and collected things. I would like to pay the bills on time, but quite frankly that isn't going to happen if I spend my time cleaning rather than painting, and vegetable soup every night made from the slug holed spinach rescued from the allotment must be a good start towards a cheap healthy diet!